Post by 31chapman on Apr 13, 2006 11:02:50 GMT -2
...and I found myself trolling a couple of hockey forums and found this old gem......
....enjoy
COACH- Leaps tall buildings in a single bound. More powerful than a locomotive. Faster than a speeding bullet. Walks on water Gives policy to God.
CAPTAIN- Leaps short buildings with a single bound. More powerfeul than a switch engine. Just as fast as a speeding bullet. Walks on water if seas are calm. Talks with God.
ASSISTANT CAPTAIN- Leaps short buildings with a running start. Almost as powerful as a switch engine. Faster than a speeding BB. Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool. Talks with God if special request is granted.
DEFENSEMAN- Barely clears a Quonset hut. Loses tug-of-war with a switch engine Can find a speeding bullet. Swims well. Is occasionally addressed by God.
FORWARD- Makes high marks on wall when trying to leap buildings. Is run over by a locomotive. Can sometimes handle a gun without self-inflicting injury. Dog paddles. Talks to animals.
ROOKIE- Runs into buildings. Recognizes locomotives 2 out of 3 times. Is not issued ammunition for his saftey and the saftey of those around him. Can't stay afloat without a live preserver. Talks to walls.
REFEREE- Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter buildings. Says "look at the choo choo!" Wets self with water pistol. Plays in mud puddles. Mumbles to self.
GOALIE- Lifts buildings and walk under them. Kicks locomotives off the tracks. Catches speeding bullets in teeth and eats them. Freezes water with a single glance. Is God.
...............And after further investigation of aformention websirtes I have manged to find these.............
Bob and Doug are two of the two biggest hockey fans in the world. They live and breathe the game from sunrise to sunset. Not only are they season ticket holders of their NHL, AHL and junior teams but Bob also coaches the local peewee hockey team while Doug writes a hockey column in the local paper.
Now in their later years, they made a pact that whoever dies first would do their best to get word back to the living and let them know if they play hockey in heaven.
A few years later, Bob passed quietly in his sleep. After the funeral, Doug anxiously waits for a sign from Bob. One night, Bob’s spirit appears before Doug.
“Bob”, Doug exclaims, “You came back! Tell me, is there hockey in heaven?”
Bob smiles and says “Well, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that there IS hockey in Heaven. The ice is always perfect, your line mates are all hall of famers and you get to play every shift.”
Doug replies “That’s wonderful, but what’s the bad news?”
Bob’s face turns a little sombre, “you’re starting in goal tomorrow.”
It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there.
"No," says the neighbor. "The seat is empty."
"This is incredible", said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for final game of the Stanley Cup playoffs and not use it?"
The neighbor says "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967."
"Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"
The man shakes his head "No. They're all at the funeral."
The Official Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart:
50° Fahrenheit (10° C)
New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
Canadians plant gardens.
40° Fahrenheit (4.4° C)
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Canadians Sunbathe.
35° Fahrenheit (1.6° C)
Italian Cars won't start
Canadians drive with the windows down
32° Fahrenheit (0 ° C)
Distilled water freezes
Canadian water get thicker.
0° Fahrenheit (-17.9° C)
New York City landlords finally turn on the heat.
Canadians have the last cookout of the season.
-40° Fahrenheit (-40° C)
Hollywood disintegrates.
Canadians rent some videos.
-60° Fahrenheit (-51° C)
Mt. St. Helens freezes.
Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.
-100° Fahrenheit (-73° C)
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Canadians pull down their ear flaps.
-173° Fahrenheit (-114° C)
Ethyl alcohol Freezes.
Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg.
-460° Fahrenheit (-273° C) Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops. Canadians start saying "cold, eh?"
-500° Fahrenheit (-295° C)
Hell freezes over.
The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup.
....enjoy
COACH- Leaps tall buildings in a single bound. More powerful than a locomotive. Faster than a speeding bullet. Walks on water Gives policy to God.
CAPTAIN- Leaps short buildings with a single bound. More powerfeul than a switch engine. Just as fast as a speeding bullet. Walks on water if seas are calm. Talks with God.
ASSISTANT CAPTAIN- Leaps short buildings with a running start. Almost as powerful as a switch engine. Faster than a speeding BB. Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool. Talks with God if special request is granted.
DEFENSEMAN- Barely clears a Quonset hut. Loses tug-of-war with a switch engine Can find a speeding bullet. Swims well. Is occasionally addressed by God.
FORWARD- Makes high marks on wall when trying to leap buildings. Is run over by a locomotive. Can sometimes handle a gun without self-inflicting injury. Dog paddles. Talks to animals.
ROOKIE- Runs into buildings. Recognizes locomotives 2 out of 3 times. Is not issued ammunition for his saftey and the saftey of those around him. Can't stay afloat without a live preserver. Talks to walls.
REFEREE- Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter buildings. Says "look at the choo choo!" Wets self with water pistol. Plays in mud puddles. Mumbles to self.
GOALIE- Lifts buildings and walk under them. Kicks locomotives off the tracks. Catches speeding bullets in teeth and eats them. Freezes water with a single glance. Is God.
...............And after further investigation of aformention websirtes I have manged to find these.............
Bob and Doug are two of the two biggest hockey fans in the world. They live and breathe the game from sunrise to sunset. Not only are they season ticket holders of their NHL, AHL and junior teams but Bob also coaches the local peewee hockey team while Doug writes a hockey column in the local paper.
Now in their later years, they made a pact that whoever dies first would do their best to get word back to the living and let them know if they play hockey in heaven.
A few years later, Bob passed quietly in his sleep. After the funeral, Doug anxiously waits for a sign from Bob. One night, Bob’s spirit appears before Doug.
“Bob”, Doug exclaims, “You came back! Tell me, is there hockey in heaven?”
Bob smiles and says “Well, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that there IS hockey in Heaven. The ice is always perfect, your line mates are all hall of famers and you get to play every shift.”
Doug replies “That’s wonderful, but what’s the bad news?”
Bob’s face turns a little sombre, “you’re starting in goal tomorrow.”
It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there.
"No," says the neighbor. "The seat is empty."
"This is incredible", said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for final game of the Stanley Cup playoffs and not use it?"
The neighbor says "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967."
"Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"
The man shakes his head "No. They're all at the funeral."
The Official Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart:
50° Fahrenheit (10° C)
New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
Canadians plant gardens.
40° Fahrenheit (4.4° C)
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Canadians Sunbathe.
35° Fahrenheit (1.6° C)
Italian Cars won't start
Canadians drive with the windows down
32° Fahrenheit (0 ° C)
Distilled water freezes
Canadian water get thicker.
0° Fahrenheit (-17.9° C)
New York City landlords finally turn on the heat.
Canadians have the last cookout of the season.
-40° Fahrenheit (-40° C)
Hollywood disintegrates.
Canadians rent some videos.
-60° Fahrenheit (-51° C)
Mt. St. Helens freezes.
Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.
-100° Fahrenheit (-73° C)
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Canadians pull down their ear flaps.
-173° Fahrenheit (-114° C)
Ethyl alcohol Freezes.
Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg.
-460° Fahrenheit (-273° C) Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops. Canadians start saying "cold, eh?"
-500° Fahrenheit (-295° C)
Hell freezes over.
The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup.